I lose THE One, "T.T.

Is it wrong to miss that Friend, when there’s only few selected one’s around to support you? It’s obvious that you miss the one you trust the most, isn’t it? Or am I wrong? We are humans; we have emotions, feelings, and make mistakes, hurt.., why? Coz we are close to each other, we had good/bad times together, we knew each other up to some extent, and trust supports each other. If someone’s stranger to me, why should I care about them? LOL.

I believe friendship is when there is someone who always there for you no matter what happens to you. I just tried to be one like that with some of my friends. Buy they only thought through their perspective. I know they were not there when I needed them the most, that’s ok. But I did try my best, never deny whenever they needed my presence, support because I believe that friendship is to be with the person whatever the situation is and having that special bond with someone, someone you can trust and confide in, someone that make you believe in yourself, someone you wish to see every day, someone that aspires to bring the best of you.

These are the feelings, emotions, love, care developed out of our time together. Won’t there be love, care, feelings, affections,, emotions in friendship….??? Is friendship possible without these? No, right! Then why I was always questioned in this matter? I had experienced three relationship failures till date. All were my true friend. Today we are well known strangers. I missed them even today. I know the value of friendship. Whatever I did, I do, will do is friendship wale love not like fucking relation kind of love. Why do they have doubt about me? Don’t misunderstand me.  Sometimes if such relationship kind of feelings develops also, I would probably share through notes and ride it off away from mind. Some thoughts are better left untold than to ruin THE friendship. I did my best not to let her know evenif such feelings came across my mind/heart. I know the value of friendship, I knew she will definitely gonna hurt. I did everything not to let her know and get hurt because I do care for her, love her &   protect her from getting hurt. I share these thoughts through writing to make myself relax and chill, not to gain someone’s attention. It’s my way to make relief from heavy heart and loads of thoughts running through my head.

In life we never lose friends, we only learn to know who are true for you and who are not; sometimes distance let you know who is worth keeping and who does not deserve to be with you. If someone has to leave you, they will leave you anyway, even a small reason is enough to create misunderstanding and depart from each other. In life there’s comes a time when we have to stop caring for someone who doesn’t understand from your point of view. Today I am not in a position to understand why she text me such message. May be she was hurt in some point of time because of me. I’m happy for her anyway. It feels very bad to lose good friend and it’s even feel more badly to see them happy without me sometimes. And I am sad, I did lose the one this afternoon. I knew such day will come one day surely. I am sad, not sad enough to cry inside or drop tears from eyes. I had prepared self for this day from long time back, since the first time she told me, “ I don’t trust you anymore”  I can’t explain the same thing again and again. I do have feelings but I know value of friendship is important. I believe I should not ruin the friendship coz of what is not possible in future. 

Now I wish to walk away from all the drama and the people who are creating it. I understand she was a beautiful chapter on my life and now I have to turn pages. She was like my cup of tea on friendship but I am forced to prefer champagne coz her though towards me. But I am sure, no negative thoughts arise in my mind regarding this, just want to wish her successful life ahead. Shocking part she even did not thank for her birthday wish. Little regretful😔. Regardless, She was/is good friend of mine, I fully trust her that she had made right decision. I'm not disappoint that I support her for this, I’m actually happy for her. 

I believe it was one way of focusing on her life and leaving behind what bothers her the most. 

How it was so easy for someone to throw you out of their life?  I felt like I was left behind coz I am of no use any more.

💥She pretends not to know or whatever, she's not only the girl available in this world. I don't understand what's going on her mind about me. I do have feelings, but its not necessary to be in relationship.  I dont like childish behaviour on this. I don't think its need to explain again & again. I am manture enough to understand whats right or wrong. Fucking conservative minded. 

 Breaking down her last message 

"I dnt know what runs into your head but for me I was always clear about what we were.It was pure friendship,respect care and trust.Whatever I did for you or times we spent together was friendship. " she was clear that's friendship,  did I ever tried crossing limits? No, I am  sure i did never crossed limits beyond friendship. Infactution might have developed sometimes, for this  I used to write what I feel in notes, its like missing her but never explain I want to be in relationship with her, love her and want to be only with her. That would  be against my  dignity towards friendship. But she did cross limit once, she should have sorry for that. Even if I have to touch her sometimes, I would think few times, if this was wrong, she might think it wrong, I always created space. I never forced her for anything. Respect, care that was OK but I could never gain her trust back since the Instagram incident, regretted that I was also indirectly became part of her breakup period. It was not intentional, but she never believes me.  

"Peole started spreading rumour,so I asked you many times is there any other feeling?You denied and kept of behaving my good friend that I trusted with all my heart. Rumour? And she believed and she dropped connections with me countless times, she was so unsure about self. About feeling, let me clear this, we have good/bad times together, its obvious we will have feelings for each other. If no any feelings for each other then how will friendship will last. Only think we need to know is our limits. I was her good friend & always behave likewise and forever will be if she is willing, if she could not maintain what she said what's the use of friendship, care, love trust... I explained what's my feeling was, it would never be more than that. I don't think it needed to be explained again and again.

I cannot prove but I know somewhere you have invade my privacy without my knowledge.You have gone through my phone or may be hacked it.I didnot and I will never ask cause you will never accept it. I am surprised how could she easily tell me that I had invade her privacy without her knowledge. It was all open in front of her. I have gone through her phone in presence of her, seriously why did she think I hacked your phone? Nothing have to be proved, because I never did it. At this moment I felt like, she just wanted a break from me. I am not a hacker to hack, I just stalked sometimes that's it. I even feel afraid to go through her profile and stalked, coz I know she don't  it & might get hurt also.

Whatsapp last messages before text

[4/22, 4:02 AM] me: Just feel Like 2 text u whc i usually dont hope u are fine.

[4/25, 3:58 AM] her : ?

[4/25, 4:00 AM] her : Have you gone crazy?

[4/25, 6:04 AM] me : K crazy ho. Testo k bhanexa ra crazy wala. Jabo fine xa xaina yeti bhanna ni garo. Kahile kai strange feel bhako bhayera po sodekota Tei mathi reply dinxa 1 barsa pachi. Bas pathudina kei aba dhukka hou. Chill

I don't think I sent any different sense messages. We never chat after that and on 17 June I thought I would surprise her with gift but I was surprised with her msg.  

Me: Share the OTP-851490 with the recipient for successful delivery of your order.            Her: Fuck You Me:🤔🤔 what for. thank you & welcome anyway.  Chill dude. Have good time. Her:Who are you. Her: OH.it's you.I thought it was scam. Her: You scared me.I didnot need it.Rather than sending gifts,it would have been better to be faithful one and long text which I am explaining now.  

Really she didn't know my number or just pretending,  doubt coz its been just 20 days we didn't talk. If She  had  replied  earlier in WhatsApp msg that she want a break from me I would have never planned for 18th so I wouldn't have felt embarrassed.  

"""After all those memories you have just given me headache and fear to never trust anyone.If possible erase me and my memories which i did of yours.Thank you for everything but lets put stop here" if she had told me earlier I would have accept in good manner. Its not the first time she did this. I never started and never ended anything. She actually does what she like to and i let her coz i love to enjoy beautiful time whether fighting or passing time together. And she's always welcomed for this coz I always in a safe zone being in friendship with her.  No offence. Anyway best wishes always from me for my friend for future. I know that will gonna be our last conversation, still trust her and support her decision and always owes her beautiful memories, encouragememt to share, positive thoughts, morale support. And I have always respected her & will always have respect for her.   

Life goes on, just chill and enjoy with no regrets. Go with the flow😆