Leah Nobel - "Beginning Middle End"🎶🎶🎶

Sometimes, you get what you've always been wishing for

And most times, it's not on your deadline, but that's alright

I was worn out and jaded from trying on people to love

But you fit so well

When they ask why I can never explain

But a symphony played when you told me your name

And I took that as a sign

Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end?

Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end?

Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end?

Will you be mine?

Mmm, mmm

Sometimes, it's hard to see what the future holds

And most times, it feels like a steep climb, and that's alright

There's magic in details, the tender small gestures of love

And the way they all add up

When they ask why I can never explain

But a symphony played when you told me your name

And it sounded like a sign

Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end?

Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end?

Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end?

Will you be mine?

Five years later and I'm still yours

Ten years later and I'm still yours

Fifty years later and I'm still your beginning and middle and end

Five years later and I'm still yours

Ten years later and I'm still yours

Fifty years later, and I'm still your beginning and middle and end

Beginning and middle and end (oh)

Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? (Oh)

Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? (Oh)

Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? (Oh)

Will you be mine?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P61FN0qUmE0

Time for another journey (farewell) 😜

Delhi

The time is upon me now, it’s time to depart from the place which have so much memories, which cannot be repeated, but trust me it would be remembered in my whole life and this time I don’t have any clue I will return back to this place any sooner. Deep inside, I could feel my heart is heavy with crying voice, are you sure you are ready for this. Yet I still follow my ambiguous path, to wherever it might lead to. May be to something new, challenging and strangely more inviting or perhaps not.

Happiness is that, I chase and hope to find someday what’s my goal is. I’m sure, there’s always another way. Sometimes I wonder what it is like to be free. It was rightly said, you wake up each morning and you have in your purse all hours of life. It is yours. No one can take it from you. You cannot get into debt; you cannot draw on the future. You can only spend the passing moment. You cannot waste tomorrow.  It is kept you for you. We shall never have any more time. We have and we have always had, all the time there is at any given moment. Spend it well.

Life can lead in many ways, often now undesired; fate can deal a cruel hand sometimes. Finding what we wanted is difficult thing sometimes left without thought, but the time it takes and years they fly. I’ sure it can’t bought. So need to be carefully re-designing path you want to proceed.

As of now, raised to myself be true, I began to live the dream I drew. Many thought I had conceived, brought me to fight for what I believed was, right to stand. Do not judge me by my what I say, or what I look like, I surely accept that I can’t express what I feel and want to do to other, but try to look down deep into my soul, it’s pure. You wouldn’t believe, such a person do ever exist in this world. There you will see who I am. I would love to treat different people differently, still continuously learning what could be right for the particular person. I am different than what most of you might think of. If being different is, what is wrong; I would rather not be right. People’s view of my actions is clouded by their past attachments. There is many a time, they seem to read my mind but in the end, they cannot know what I intend. With this, I came to know that words that are needed to be spoken shouldn’t be accumulate inside; sorrow and anger can be and will be suppressed but this only leads to a person feeling depressed. Any way hope to be in good place, I feel sorry to them, with whom I could not schedule my time. But promise to meet at some point of time. Be positive and be sure, we will meet again. Some already departed away from my journey of life, wishes a successful journey for them too.  Love all. Thank you for being beautiful chapter of my journey.

I lose THE One, "T.T.

Is it wrong to miss that Friend, when there’s only few selected one’s around to support you? It’s obvious that you miss the one you trust the most, isn’t it? Or am I wrong? We are humans; we have emotions, feelings, and make mistakes, hurt.., why? Coz we are close to each other, we had good/bad times together, we knew each other up to some extent, and trust supports each other. If someone’s stranger to me, why should I care about them? LOL.

I believe friendship is when there is someone who always there for you no matter what happens to you. I just tried to be one like that with some of my friends. Buy they only thought through their perspective. I know they were not there when I needed them the most, that’s ok. But I did try my best, never deny whenever they needed my presence, support because I believe that friendship is to be with the person whatever the situation is and having that special bond with someone, someone you can trust and confide in, someone that make you believe in yourself, someone you wish to see every day, someone that aspires to bring the best of you.

These are the feelings, emotions, love, care developed out of our time together. Won’t there be love, care, feelings, affections,, emotions in friendship….??? Is friendship possible without these? No, right! Then why I was always questioned in this matter? I had experienced three relationship failures till date. All were my true friend. Today we are well known strangers. I missed them even today. I know the value of friendship. Whatever I did, I do, will do is friendship wale love not like fucking relation kind of love. Why do they have doubt about me? Don’t misunderstand me.  Sometimes if such relationship kind of feelings develops also, I would probably share through notes and ride it off away from mind. Some thoughts are better left untold than to ruin THE friendship. I did my best not to let her know evenif such feelings came across my mind/heart. I know the value of friendship, I knew she will definitely gonna hurt. I did everything not to let her know and get hurt because I do care for her, love her &   protect her from getting hurt. I share these thoughts through writing to make myself relax and chill, not to gain someone’s attention. It’s my way to make relief from heavy heart and loads of thoughts running through my head.

In life we never lose friends, we only learn to know who are true for you and who are not; sometimes distance let you know who is worth keeping and who does not deserve to be with you. If someone has to leave you, they will leave you anyway, even a small reason is enough to create misunderstanding and depart from each other. In life there’s comes a time when we have to stop caring for someone who doesn’t understand from your point of view. Today I am not in a position to understand why she text me such message. May be she was hurt in some point of time because of me. I’m happy for her anyway. It feels very bad to lose good friend and it’s even feel more badly to see them happy without me sometimes. And I am sad, I did lose the one this afternoon. I knew such day will come one day surely. I am sad, not sad enough to cry inside or drop tears from eyes. I had prepared self for this day from long time back, since the first time she told me, “ I don’t trust you anymore”  I can’t explain the same thing again and again. I do have feelings but I know value of friendship is important. I believe I should not ruin the friendship coz of what is not possible in future. 

Now I wish to walk away from all the drama and the people who are creating it. I understand she was a beautiful chapter on my life and now I have to turn pages. She was like my cup of tea on friendship but I am forced to prefer champagne coz her though towards me. But I am sure, no negative thoughts arise in my mind regarding this, just want to wish her successful life ahead. Shocking part she even did not thank for her birthday wish. Little regretful😔. Regardless, She was/is good friend of mine, I fully trust her that she had made right decision. I'm not disappoint that I support her for this, I’m actually happy for her. 

I believe it was one way of focusing on her life and leaving behind what bothers her the most. 

How it was so easy for someone to throw you out of their life?  I felt like I was left behind coz I am of no use any more.

💥She pretends not to know or whatever, she's not only the girl available in this world. I don't understand what's going on her mind about me. I do have feelings, but its not necessary to be in relationship.  I dont like childish behaviour on this. I don't think its need to explain again & again. I am manture enough to understand whats right or wrong. Fucking conservative minded. 

 Breaking down her last message 

"I dnt know what runs into your head but for me I was always clear about what we were.It was pure friendship,respect care and trust.Whatever I did for you or times we spent together was friendship. " she was clear that's friendship,  did I ever tried crossing limits? No, I am  sure i did never crossed limits beyond friendship. Infactution might have developed sometimes, for this  I used to write what I feel in notes, its like missing her but never explain I want to be in relationship with her, love her and want to be only with her. That would  be against my  dignity towards friendship. But she did cross limit once, she should have sorry for that. Even if I have to touch her sometimes, I would think few times, if this was wrong, she might think it wrong, I always created space. I never forced her for anything. Respect, care that was OK but I could never gain her trust back since the Instagram incident, regretted that I was also indirectly became part of her breakup period. It was not intentional, but she never believes me.  

"Peole started spreading rumour,so I asked you many times is there any other feeling?You denied and kept of behaving my good friend that I trusted with all my heart. Rumour? And she believed and she dropped connections with me countless times, she was so unsure about self. About feeling, let me clear this, we have good/bad times together, its obvious we will have feelings for each other. If no any feelings for each other then how will friendship will last. Only think we need to know is our limits. I was her good friend & always behave likewise and forever will be if she is willing, if she could not maintain what she said what's the use of friendship, care, love trust... I explained what's my feeling was, it would never be more than that. I don't think it needed to be explained again and again.

I cannot prove but I know somewhere you have invade my privacy without my knowledge.You have gone through my phone or may be hacked it.I didnot and I will never ask cause you will never accept it. I am surprised how could she easily tell me that I had invade her privacy without her knowledge. It was all open in front of her. I have gone through her phone in presence of her, seriously why did she think I hacked your phone? Nothing have to be proved, because I never did it. At this moment I felt like, she just wanted a break from me. I am not a hacker to hack, I just stalked sometimes that's it. I even feel afraid to go through her profile and stalked, coz I know she don't  it & might get hurt also.

Whatsapp last messages before text

[4/22, 4:02 AM] me: Just feel Like 2 text u whc i usually dont hope u are fine.

[4/25, 3:58 AM] her : ?

[4/25, 4:00 AM] her : Have you gone crazy?

[4/25, 6:04 AM] me : K crazy ho. Testo k bhanexa ra crazy wala. Jabo fine xa xaina yeti bhanna ni garo. Kahile kai strange feel bhako bhayera po sodekota Tei mathi reply dinxa 1 barsa pachi. Bas pathudina kei aba dhukka hou. Chill

I don't think I sent any different sense messages. We never chat after that and on 17 June I thought I would surprise her with gift but I was surprised with her msg.  

Me: Share the OTP-851490 with the recipient for successful delivery of your order.            Her: Fuck You Me:🤔🤔 what for. thank you & welcome anyway.  Chill dude. Have good time. Her:Who are you. Her: OH.it's you.I thought it was scam. Her: You scared me.I didnot need it.Rather than sending gifts,it would have been better to be faithful one and long text which I am explaining now.  

Really she didn't know my number or just pretending,  doubt coz its been just 20 days we didn't talk. If She  had  replied  earlier in WhatsApp msg that she want a break from me I would have never planned for 18th so I wouldn't have felt embarrassed.  

"""After all those memories you have just given me headache and fear to never trust anyone.If possible erase me and my memories which i did of yours.Thank you for everything but lets put stop here" if she had told me earlier I would have accept in good manner. Its not the first time she did this. I never started and never ended anything. She actually does what she like to and i let her coz i love to enjoy beautiful time whether fighting or passing time together. And she's always welcomed for this coz I always in a safe zone being in friendship with her.  No offence. Anyway best wishes always from me for my friend for future. I know that will gonna be our last conversation, still trust her and support her decision and always owes her beautiful memories, encouragememt to share, positive thoughts, morale support. And I have always respected her & will always have respect for her.   

Life goes on, just chill and enjoy with no regrets. Go with the flow😆

Have your thought on this via mail? Or whatapp me +994404533528 I will explain mine later

"I dnt know what runs into your head but for me I was always clear about what we were.It was pure friendship,respect care and trust.Whatever I did for you or times we spent together was friendship.Peole started spreading rumour,so I asked you many times is there any other feeling?You denied and kept of behaving my good friend that I trusted with all my heart.I cannot prove but I know somewhere you have invade my privacy without my knowledge.You have gone through my phone or may be hacked it.I didnot and I will never ask cause you will never accept it.But I know.After all those memories you have just given me headache and fear to never trust anyone.If possible erase me and my memories which i did of yours.Thank you for everything but lets put stop here"

Soon

Apology

How do I tell you I'm sorry -

How is it I never realized

I hurt you so very much?

With a gesture, a look, a touch?

I do not ask forgiveness,

A comfort I'll never deserve.

I merely want to let you know,

But I cannot find the nerve.

To finally confront you, face-to-face,

To look you in the eye,

To face your wrath, your apathy -

Too terrified to try.

You called me selfish, I turned away,

I festered and I fled;

Cutting and wounding and lashing out,

Just to see if you bled.

Betraying and deceiving you,

I surely had no right

To snatch away such a precious gem;

A dark thief in the night.

Four years and forever passed

To bring us to this day,

When I present these simple words

I never thought to say.

The time has come, it's long past due,

To put aside my fear;

Would this confession torture you,

Or have you longed to hear?

To hear those two forbidden words,

To vanquish all the pain,

To understand my dearest wish:

To know you once again.

The years aged me remarkably,

Though they have not made me wise;

I do know I erred irrevocably -

For that I apologize.

If you hadn't walk in my life (Note 2014 wrote for Aanchu)

If you had not walk in my life…. 

My Life might not be so beautiful .. I would not get to know what the happiness is../ I would never know the beauty of the love again. I would not feel the completeness of the life../ 
Deep inside my memories, lots of beautiful times spending together with you fills my mind. Why the beautiful times move so fast..? I feel like, we meet a month back though it s nearly gonna to be year. 
Those sweet moments which I dream of..?  Love which I kept searching of..?  I found it all being with you../ 
Happiness, being with you that’s fabulous. I want it more.  Lonliness, when you gets angry and leaves me L , Its not bad coz I know you are showing just to be angry but love for me is still same.., I know you will come back again :D .Sadness, you show ! oops, its not easy to control when I don’t care if you get angry.. OMG! That bomb face seems really gonna to blast. 
Caring, how could I forget/ even in my dream you came and care when you gets angry../ 
The smile on your face, its reason I too will smile and forget all bad times. 
Excitement, when you say you want to see me and hug me so tightly.. J that me feel really better. But../ Love, Life../ some moments hurts but some gives reason to live..with great thoughts. 
I remember the first time I saw you .. that was strange. I think, I was strange that leads to meet  you../ I did not know why 
*you have choosen me to be your friend? 
*I became your special friend.? 
I did not know why I forget all the promises that I would not talk to any one else?  I did not know how I was able to share my stories?  I did not know why from that day i just like to talk with you more and spent time with you?  I did not know how could I accept you soon as a close friend? –You were amazing theres  something different on you.  I did not know why I try to be close to you though you like some other?  I did not know why I spent chating with you talking funny things?  I did not know why I was sharing my sorrows and pain with you?  I did not know why I was expecting your message?  I did not know why I was caring you little more than a day before?  I did not know why I used to get jealous sometimes?  I did not know why time being with you was too short? – Might be I gt to know what the happiness is.  I did not know why I care you when you were not well that day?  I did not know why I was thinking you most of time? 
I did not know why I was so emotional to you?  I did not know why I give more preference to you than other..?  I did not know why I miss you even knowing we meet regularly ?  … 
I did’t know why I trusted you more than my self..?  I did not know why I want a warm hug from you?  Howeva those were my bst time/ ….  ….  Now you are so important to me.  I don’t know why it’s long way to be together.  The lovely day, we meet and share was the day that begins with new journey with different  thoughts..  If you had not walk into my life  I wouldnot get such great time with you.  I might be still fighting with the lonely world.. :* 

My Dear Friend, "S.S.

As u sit silence,

wondering why I'll be your shoulder to cry on until  tears run dry.

I feel like I've known u forever

Although I only met u sometime these  past years

But our friendship will remain forever  no matter what shall cross our paths and hearts

The best thing thats happened to me

Is finding a forever friend like u

You're there to listen, help, and talk to

And best of all, I know I can confide in you

Some say the best love is one starts  from friendship

So I feel this is why we should try

Time leads us in this direction

Should we follow on down the line?

Friendship and love are always intertwined

Too close which sometimes causes confusion

But if we don't try, we will never know if it was meant to be

But forever you will remain my friend

I don't know if this is goin' to work

I'm not totally sure we should try

But I have all these mixed feelings inside which I don't know what to do

I love you both inside and out as my best friend

And I know that you love me that way too

So when I say "best friends forever"

That even means when I'm saying" Goodbye, I love you, too."

Burdens are lighter when carried by two,

And I just want you to know

I'm here for you. 

These days I just 

Feel like I'm out of your league even to care as you my  friend. 

Feels like' these days you are hidin' lots of thing inside and cryin' all alone. 

May be I'm wrong I were thinkin' too much.

Mere words cannot describe

The many qualities you show,

The love and carin' nature that

You share with those who know. 

Four years and forever passed

To bring us to this day, I don't know what's stopin' me to present these simple words to you. anyway.

May be we wont be together for life or we will be. Whatsoever wishing you successful life ahead.  

Chill

उ रोइरहेछ

हिजोसम्म हाॅसिरहेको मान्छे
आज विहानैदेखि
घुॅक्क-धुॅक्क गर्दै रोइरहेको छ।
त्यही रूवाइबाट झरेका ताता-ताता आॅशुका धाराले
हृदयभित्र घाउहरू धोइरहेछ।
विधिको विडम्बना हो कि धनप्रसादको झेल,
उदर स्वाॅठेको जाल हो कि घ्याम्पे दाइको खेल,
खै कसले छुट्याइदिने?
न्यायाधिसलाई रूघा लागेको छ
कम्मर कसेर दर्जी भन्छ
"ए हजुर! यो मान्छे तेसै रोएको हैन।
यस्मा श्यामलाल वितवहादुर र अरू धेरैको हात छ
जो सुकैको हात लागोस् जो सुकैको बात लागोस्
आखिर,
बोक्रालालको हृदयभित्र
कहिल्यै नपुरिने घाउ लागेको छ।
त्यसैले
ऊ निचोरेको अमिलोजस्तो मुख पारेर
रोइरहेछ... रोइरहेछ।

 Mai jahan rahu, mai kahee bhee hu, teree yaad saath hai
 Kisee se kahu, ke nahee kahu, yeh jo dil kee baat hai
 Kehne ko saath apane ek duneeya chalatee hai
 Per chhupke iss dil me tanhaayee palatee hai
 Bas yaad saath hai, 
 Mai jahan rahu, mai kahee bhee hu, teree yaad saath hai

I am who i am....

I am who i am.....

...

Haa? whats this?

Am i crazy? Are you thinkin the same?

Who cares?

I don't care it too.

I am me, thats how every body sees me.

"who i am?" 

I do not doubt i am someone. Are you?

I am me that you should also know me. 

See t'day m in doubt, could not figure 

what em gonna be.?

I dont know what am gonna do further 

I am not sure where i will be tomorrow

Just Remember me till ur soul wont free

I am me, always let your mind remind me

Something must be wrong with me

I cant stop  these terrible thoughts 

Is there a place where happiness is ? ? ?

I am me, t'day em totally lost within me.

Try to challenge everything, want to move 

Heart shiver...

I just wish i could rid of my cares

How can i say goodbye and move ahead ???

I am human and I am weak

I am me, i need some one to hold me.

If this is the last day I am staying in Delhi

Please Don't come and  rolls your tears down to say me Good bye

Just call me, & tell me "We will meet again"

I hope we are gonna meet again if time favour

I am who i am

I am me, i need to be me only.